This loaf is sweet and spicy and moist and tender and all the things you love in a meatloaf—minus the meat! Instead you get so much protein, fiber, vitamins, and minerals from a beet, a giant portobello mushroom, beans, pecans, and flax meal. And the spicy-sweet hoisin glaze brings it all together. Not only is this great as a main course, but the leftovers are UNBEATABLE as a meatloaf sandwich with pickles the next day! With baked beans you have a meal fit for a superhero.
Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and preheat the oven to 350°F.
Spread the bulgur on a rimmed sheet pan, pull the oven rack out partway, and place the sheet pan on it. Carefully add the boiling water and, wearing oven mitts, cover the sheet pan with aluminum foil (you may need 2 sheets), crimping it tightly around the edges to seal. Cook the bulgur for 10 minutes, remove the pan from the oven, and set it aside, covered, for 10 minutes. Remove the foil and fluff the bulgur with a fork.
Using a food processor fitted with the grater attachment (or the medium-size holes of a box grater), shred the beet and the mushroom. Swap the grater attachment for the blade and add the beans, pecans, flax meal, mustard, soy sauce, coriander, five-spice powder, salt, and pepper. Add the bulgur (wipe the sheet pan clean; you’ll use it in Step 4) and pulse to combine so the mixture is finely ground yet still rough—you don’t want a smooth paste.
Line the sheet pan with a piece of aluminum foil and lightly coat the foil with olive oil. Transfer the bulgur mixture to the sheet pan and form the mixture into a log, 9 inches long, 4 inches wide, and approximately 1 1/2 inches thick. Bake the beet loaf until it’s somewhat firm and browned, about 25 minutes.
Stir together the ketchup, hoisin, honey, paprika, cayenne, and salt in a small bowl. Once the loaf has cooked for 25 minutes, use a pastry brush or silicone brush to coat the surface of the loaf with half the glaze. Return the loaf to the oven and cook for 15 minutes more. Brush the remaining glaze over the loaf and turn the broiler to high. Broil the loaf until the glaze begins to caramelize and brown, 3 to 4 minutes (watch the glaze closely as broiler intensities vary). Remove the sheet pan from the oven and cool for 10 minutes. Use the foil to help transfer the loaf to a cutting board. Slice the loaf crosswise into 1/2- to 3/4-inch-thick pieces and serve.